How To Fix A Broken Relationship ?6 min read
Recently, the number of couples visiting doctors to seek a solution for their relationships has been increasing. With the massive increase of responsibilities, the difficulties which the couples are encountering increase too, and the couples reach a certain extent where they can’t handle anymore, and they just start thinking whether they must find out how to fix a broken relationship or just give up. In this case, the doctor realizes that the internal resources and energy of these couples are dangerously low, and they are often feeling bruised, desperate and defeated.
However, before reaching this stage and counseling a doctor for help, you have to ask yourself few questions and try a few tips to solve your problems and fix your relationship.
Begin by asking yourselves these questions:
- Do you, both, want to fix your relationship?
- Do you feel as you still have enough energy to give your relationship a chance to repair and recommit?
- In the past, how did you solve such problems, and why is this way not working anymore?
- Are you closing this before even giving the resolution a chance?
- Are there some hidden factors which are ruining your chances to reconnect?
- Do you want, from the bottom of your heart, to solve your problems?
After answering these questions, the couple can determine who the injured party is, who the remorseful and humiliated party is, and whether their relation really deserves a second chance or not.
Then, you have to identify the main causes of your distress and take a decision to save your love by doing what it takes to reverse and repair the damage that’s already been done.
Here are some genuine tips we have gathered from everywhere to tell you how to fix a broken relationship, but they can only work if both of you consider that breakup is inevitable.
1. Listen and be attentive to what your partner is saying.
Listen to your partner, see what he/she is trying to say, hold back your own emotional reactions and interpretations, and just try to understand.
Your partner will know whether you are listening or just hearing by noticing your body language. To show your partner that you are really listening:
Face your partner, turn your body toward him/her and keep eye contact.
Nod from time to time to show that you understand each word.
Mute the TV and put your cell phone on silent mode.
Ask questions to clarify anything which you can’t understand or justify.
Even if there is a big disagreement, a history of interruption, over-talking, dismissing, or minimizing, you have to know that listening and redirecting your attention are considered the key to solving all your problems and remember that there are two of you in this room and this relationship.
2. Show concern and compassion.
If the partners have lost each other’s trust and support, whether just recently or for a long period of time, they must show their concern and compassion to rebuild the bridge between them. As a member in this relation, you must try to use some soothing words, gestures, body language or facial expressions to show consideration for your partner’s distress.
It takes two persons to build a relationship, and one person to break it up. Both must look at this relation as a partnership and not as one person serves the other. You have to understand that you can’t just use your way all the time and let your partner follow you. Both of you must think, discuss and compromise to find a common ground that works for both of you.
Even though it sounds amazing to find a solution which you both want, it is not always the case and sometimes you have to give ground. Let your spouse have his/her way this time and your turn will come next.
Just when the issue is so important, such as your values, safety, or sanity, then don’t compromise.
4. Express yourself.
After hearing the other partner, there will be a time for you to talk and communicate your feelings. Find a special tactic that makes your partner respond like saying, ‘I have something to tell you, and it is very important to me’, or begin with asking whether it is a good time to talk.
The reaction of your partner will show you how receptive your partner is at this moment.
Instead of using commands in expressing your needs, you can say that you feel or you need something as this language is more acceptable for the partner.
According to the Psychologist Dr. Terri Orbuch, you can use the following tactic to express your feelings without hurting your partner by saying ‘You do X in situation Y, I feel Z.’ In this case, you avoid judging either your response or your spouse’s behavior.
5. Soften your heart.
When your partner faces a tough situation, you have two choices; either you turn away from your partner which is the easiest thing to do, or turn toward him which is much harder, but it is the ideal thing to do, as responding with kindness is always better than responding with cruelty.
When your partner is sad, mad, angry, etc, put yourself in his shoes and think about how you would like someone to treat you in such a situation. Then tell your partner that you understand his feeling and that you will be there for him and want to help him feel better.
6. Remember good times that make you both laugh.
At the tough times when you have nothing to say except arguing, interrupting, invalidating, and yelling at one another, take a break and just remember some of the good times when you used to laugh with each other.
This will make you calm down.
7. Assume the best.
Sometimes, physical abuse and addiction make your partner say very tough things. If this is not the case, assume that even if your partner says something hurtful, he/she has good intentions but needs to express painful feelings
Assume the best and ask your partner about the problem and his feelings.
8. Embrace change.
If your relationship is broken up, you have to understand that keeping everything the same won’t fix it. You have to do some changes in your actions and reactions, as well as asking your partner to do the same.
9. De-escalate conflict.
Every couple knows that sometimes things reach the worst level where you say or do things which can hurt too much to ever heal, thus destroy the relationship forever. Unfortunately, knowing this fact may not be enough to stop before you reach the red line.
Therefore, you must have an invisible pact which keeps you from going over the edge.
10. Be persistent.
Your attempts to rekindle a relationship may not work for the first time, but you must not give up. Keep trying many times till you solve the problem even if you have to seek the help of a professional
11. Don’t make things worse by bringing up issues from the past.
At the middle of an argument, couples frequently bring things from the past especially when one partner feels he or she is losing the argument.
As good communicators, who really want to fix a broken relationship, you have to discuss one issue at a time and talk about everything related to the present.
Knowing how to fix a broken relationship is easy, but fixing it really needs deep love, trust, and a strong will. However, some relationships are worth the hard efforts.